Help & FAQ

1. Go to Create an Account.
2. Enter your name, email, a password and your date of birth. You must be 18 or older to join.
3. You'll land in the Member Area, where the next step is confirming your email.

The Member Area is for adults in our community only. Before you can enter it, we ask you to:

1. Confirm your email. Press the button to send yourself a link, then open it. The link works once and lasts 7 days. You can open it on any device.
2. Enter your date of birth (if you didn't at sign-up). It's asked only once, and it's never shown to anyone. Only your age appears on your profile, and only if you choose to show it.

Typed the wrong email? Use Wrong address? on that step to fix it in the Account tab, then send a new link.

• Check your spam, junk or promotions folder.
• Make sure the address in the Account tab is right.
• Send it again. You can resend once every 5 minutes.

Still nothing? Contact us.

Use Log In in the menu. Once you're signed in, the menu shows Hello, (your name) at the top right. Open it for the Member Area, My Profile, My Calendar, Account Settings and Sign Out.

The Member Area is private to signed-in members. Its tabs are:

• Home: your notifications.
• Feed: posts and photos from members.
• Members: search and filter member profiles.
• Messages: conversations, requests and nods.
• Dynamics: your relationships with other members, plus the Homework and Chastity tools.
• Calendar: events you're going to or interested in.
• Profile: edit your profile, photos, groups and titles.
• Account: name, email, password, notifications and your data.

Nothing in the Member Area is ever shown to the public, search engines or the sitemap.

Yes.

• Android, or Chrome/Edge on a computer: press Install when the Member Area offers it.
• iPhone or iPad: in Safari, tap Share, then Add to Home Screen.

Install help is always under Account → App & notifications.

New members get a step-by-step setup: Photo & bio, Basics, Identity & roles, Stats, Kinks & limits, then Health. You can Skip for now or Set up my profile later, and it picks up where you left off.

To change anything later, open the Member Area, go to the Profile tab, edit the fields and press Save.

Every profile item has its own Show switch:

• On: signed-in, verified members can see it.
• Off: only you can see it. Site administrators can't either.

Empty fields have no switch. When you fill one in, its switch turns on, so turn it off if you want to keep that answer private. Health answers start hidden even when filled in. Your display name is always shown.

Your profile is never shown to the public or to people who aren't signed in.

On the Profile tab, press View my profile as members see it. It shows exactly what other members see, plus a link back to edit.

1. On the Profile tab, find Kinks and type a kink or tap a category to browse.
2. For each one, choose Love it / Like it / Curious and, if you like, Giving / Receiving / Both.
3. Use the × to remove one. You can pick up to 40.

Hard limits have their own field below.

The Members tab lets members search by name, role, looking for, kinks, city and more. Searches only match answers you've chosen to show. Clicking an item on someone's profile (a role, a kink, a city) lists other members who show the same thing.

To stay out of search completely, tick Hide me from member search on the Profile tab.

Not from your profile, because it's how we confirm every member is 18 or older. If it's wrong, contact us and the site team can correct it.

1. Go to the Profile tab in the Member Area.
2. Under Profile photo or Cover image, choose a photo.
3. A crop box opens. Drag to move the photo, use the slider to zoom, then confirm.
4. Press Save. You can choose both photos and save them together.

The profile photo is square. The cover is a wide banner (3:1) across the top of your profile.

• Profile photo & cover: JPEG, PNG, WebP or HEIC (iPhone) up to 5 MB. Profile photos need to be at least 200×200 pixels, covers at least 600×200.
• Feed posts: up to 4 photos per post, JPEG/PNG/WebP under 5 MB each.
• Organization & titleholder galleries: JPEG/PNG/WebP up to 10 MB each, up to 60 photos in a gallery.

No. Every member photo is re-saved by the site, which strips camera data, including GPS location. Profile, feed and private photos are kept out of the public media library and are only shown to people allowed to see them.

No, it's optional. Use Add a description if you'd like screen readers to describe your photo. Without one, a profile photo is read as "Profile photo of (your name)".

1. Open the Feed tab and start a post.
2. Add text and/or up to 4 photos.
3. Optionally tag an event from the last 60 days or the next 30. Everyone's posts from that event can be viewed together.
4. Choose who sees it: All members or My connections.

You can delete your own posts at any time.

1. Open your group's page and press Edit this page (see Organizations).
2. Under the gallery, choose Add photos. You can pick many at once, and each uploads as soon as it's picked.
3. Add a caption to each photo, remove any you don't want, and drag them into order.
4. Tick the box confirming everyone recognisable in the photos agreed to be shown publicly, then press Save changes.

Photos are grouped by shape (landscape, portrait, square) so the gallery stays tidy.

1. Go to Submit an Organization or Titleholder.
2. Choose Organization and fill in your name, logo, description, highlights, mission and links (Telegram, website, Instagram, FetLife and more).
3. Add a private contact. It's never shown on the site.
4. If you're a member, add your member username or email so you're linked as the Organizer. Signed in, this is filled in for you. Joining later? You're linked when you sign in, or use I help run this group on the page.

Nothing goes public until the site team approves it. You'll get an email when it's approved, with your page link.

Every group has a page at colandb.com/partner/(your-group-name)/. It's also listed on the Organizations page and in the menu.

You can edit it if you're linked to the group as Organizer.

1. Sign in, then either open your group's page and press Edit this page, or go to Member Area → Profile → Groups and titles and press Edit page & card.
2. Change your description, highlights, mission, links, logo and gallery.
3. Press Save changes. Edits go live right away.

The site team gets a copy of each change and can restore an earlier version if needed.

At the top of Edit this page, under Your homepage card, you can change the name, the card text (up to 200 characters), bullet points (up to 8) and the photo. Changes show on the homepage right away.

No. What you type is kept as a draft in your browser, and photos are stored as soon as they upload. After a refresh you'll see your changes brought back with a note. Nothing goes live until you press Save changes, and you can use Discard them to start over.

If part of a save can't be used (an empty name or a broken link, for example), everything else is still saved and the editor tells you exactly what wasn't changed.

Yes. Set City or region in the editor. Visitors can filter the listing pages by area.

Use your group's invite link (it starts with t.me/+). Links that start with t.me/c/ only open for people already in the group, so the form doesn't accept them.

Yes. Tick Ask for our (network) under that link. The link isn't saved or shown. The page shows "Ask for our FetLife" (for example) instead.

Events submitted under your organization appear under Upcoming Events on your page automatically. Submit an event and choose your organization.

1. Go to Submit your title. The form opens set to Titleholder.
2. Add your photo, title, year, producer, bio, areas of focus, and links. If you hold more than one title, add the others in the "more titles" rows.
3. Sign in first, or enter your member username or email, so the page is linked to your profile. Joining later? The page links when you sign in, or use This is my title on it.

The site team reviews and approves it. You'll get an email with your page link.

Sign in, open your page (from the Titleholders list or Member Area → Profile → Groups and titles → Edit page & card) and press Edit this page. You can change:

• your bio and areas of focus;
• your titles, year and producer (add up to 7 more titles; clear one to remove it);
• your links (the first is the big button, shown as "Message me on Telegram" or "Visit my website");
• your photo and its shape (Circle or Rectangle), with a crop box to frame it;
• your homepage card and your Events & Appearances gallery.

Press Save changes and it's live right away.

1. On any event page, press Add to my calendar and choose Going.
2. For who can see it, choose Public: my titleholder page.

Public events show under Upcoming Events on your page for everyone. Events set to All members show only to signed-in members. Dynamic partners and Only me events never show there. Visitors can use See my events ↓ at the top of your page to jump to them.

No. A titleholder page belongs to one person. Signed-in members see that person's card under My COL&B profile, and the titleholder's member profile shows a Titleholder badge linking to the page. To change who's linked, contact us.

1. Go to Member Area → Profile → Groups and titles.
2. Pick the organization and press Link my profile.

You can also do it from the organization's page while signed in. Your card then shows on the group's page under Members on COL&B (members only), and your profile lists the group under Groups.

• Member: you belong to the group. Anyone can link themselves as a Member.
• Organizer: you run the group and can edit its page and card.
• Titleholder: the page is yours and you can edit it.

Organizer and Titleholder are set when the site team approves a submission that names you, or by the site team on request. You can also ask from the page itself: This is my title on a titleholder page, or I help run this group on an organization's page. You'll get a notification when you're linked.

Titleholder pages belong to one person, so they aren't in the Add a group list. To link yours:

1. Sign in and open your page from the Titleholders list.
2. Under Is this your title?, press This is my title.
3. The site team reviews the request. You'll get a notification when it's approved. Your title then shows on your profile, your profile shows on the page for members, and you can edit the page.

If the submission for your title named your member username or email, it links by itself the next time you sign in. No page for your title yet? Submit your title.

• Make sure you're signed in. The member list is only shown to signed-in, verified members.
• Your own card shows first and says (you).
• Refresh the page if you opened it before signing in.

Go to Member Area → Profile → Groups and titles and remove it. You can do this at any time, including for links the site team added.

1. Sign in and open the group's page from the Organizations list.
2. Under Do you help run this group?, press I help run this group.
3. The site team reviews the request. You'll get a notification when it's approved, and you can then edit the group's page and homepage card.

A group can have several organizers, so existing organizers stay. If the group's submission named your member username or email, you're made an Organizer by yourself the next time you sign in.

A dynamic is a relationship you and another member both agree to, such as Dominant / submissive, Daddy / boy, Handler / pup, Master / slave, Keyholder / chastity wearer, Partners, Play partners or Leather family. Dynamics connect you on the site: connections-only posts and calendar events become visible to each other, and messages go straight to the inbox.

1. Open the member's profile and press Propose a dynamic.
2. Tick one or more types. For types with sides, choose your side.
3. Optionally add chastity or homework and choose who leads each.
4. Add a message if you like, and send.

Nothing starts until they accept. You can withdraw a pending invitation from the Dynamics tab under Sent by you.

Open the Dynamics tab. Invitations are under Waiting for you. Accept or decline the whole invitation at once.

On the Dynamics tab, find it under Active and end it. Either of you can end a dynamic alone, at any time, and it ends immediately. You can end one type and keep others.

When your last dynamic with someone ends, homework programs are archived and any chastity lock becomes a self-lock, so the other person loses access straight away.

• Add: on an active dynamic, press Ask to add, then choose chastity or homework and who leads. The other member accepts or declines.
• Turn off: either of you can turn off an add-on at any time. The other member is told.

Then use the Homework and Chastity tabs. See Homework and Chastity below for how they work.

Yes. When you start a lock, choose Keyholder → Someone without an account… and type their name. It works like a self-lock, and you keep every control.

Emergency unlock is always available to the wearer. The site tracks a lock. It doesn't control any device.

An active dynamic shows on both profiles only if you both leave Show on my profile on. Either of you can turn it off.

Homework is a structured program one member sets for another inside a dynamic, like a weekly homework tracker. A program has:

• a title and notes to the member doing the homework;
• up to 30 tasks, each with a weekly target;
• an optional consequence ladder (up to 8 levels) you both agree on.

The site keeps the record: what was done, the proof, and whether it was accepted. Consequences are for the two of you to handle. The site doesn't enforce them.

You need an active dynamic with the homework add-on agreed by both of you.

• When proposing a dynamic, add homework and choose I set it or They set it.
• Already in a dynamic? On the Dynamics tab, press Ask to add and choose homework. The other member accepts or declines.

Only the person chosen to set homework can create programs and review entries. Homework works with any dynamic type, including equal ones like Partners.

1. Open the Homework tab and go to Homework you set.
2. Create a program for your partner: give it a title, notes and, if you use one, the consequence ladder (level, examples, correction).
3. Add tasks. For each task, set:
   • a category (daily ritual, body / grooming, domestic service, education, attention / check-in, reflection, chastity, fitness, other);
   • the weekly minimum (1 to 7 times a week);
   • what counts as done;
   • an optional standard phrase they should use (for example, "Good morning, Sir.");
   • the proof required: none, text, photo, photo + text, or a written report.

Your partner is notified when homework is assigned.

1. Open the Homework tab and go to Your homework.
2. For each task, mark the day as done, moved or not applicable.
3. Add the note or photo the task asks for.

You can log today or any of the last 7 days, but not future days. The person who set it is notified when you submit.

The person who set the homework reviews each entry and can:

• Accept it;
• mark it not good enough (it doesn't count toward the weekly target);
• mark a day as missed.

They can add a note back each time, and the member is notified of the decision.

Each program has a week view (Monday to Sunday) showing every task by day, how many weekly targets are met, an overall status (On track or Needs work), and entries waiting for review. A month view shows the pattern over time.

Only the two members in the program. Photos are resized and re-saved, which removes location and camera data, and they're stored privately, never in the public media library.

• Encrypted on our server, like chastity photos.
• Deleted after 90 days, counted from the day logged. The log entry and its review stay.
• Yours to keep or remove: under a day you logged, use View, Download or Delete photo. The person who set your homework can't delete it.
• The first time you add a photo, you're asked to agree to how it's kept. You won't be asked again.

Programs are archived straight away. No more entries can be logged, and the person who set the homework immediately loses access to proof photos. The member who did the homework keeps their history to read.

Either of you can turn the homework add-on off at any time from the Dynamics tab.

It tracks a chastity lock: how long it's been on, the rules, daily check-ins, hygiene openings and releases, with a keyholder's controls if you have one. It doesn't control any device.

1. Open the Chastity tab and start a lock.
2. Choose your keyholder:
   • Yourself (a self-lock);
   • a member who holds your key in an active dynamic with the chastity add-on;
   • Someone without an account…, typing their name (it works like a self-lock, and they aren't notified).
3. Pick the rules:
   • Full lockdown;
   • One release a week (with permission);
   • Daily routine, no release;
   • Custom, with your own name, rule and release policy (none, with permission, or allowed).
4. Set the planned length, from 1 hour to 30 days or open-ended, and optionally add a photo.

You can have one active lock at a time.

The keyholder needs an active dynamic with you that includes the chastity add-on, with them holding the key.

• A Keyholder / chastity wearer dynamic always includes chastity, with the Keyholder holding the key.
• With any other dynamic type, add chastity when proposing (I hold the key or They hold the key), or use Ask to add on the Dynamics tab.

• Add or remove time (never earlier than now).
• Hide the time left. The wearer then doesn't see the end date, time changes or the planned length.
• Change the rules.
• Turn daily verification on or off, and review verification photos: accept, or ask for another.
• Mark a day Verified elsewhere when the wearer sent their verification another way, like on Telegram or by text (see the next question).
• Set a hygiene allowance: none, 10, 15, 30 or 60 minutes.
• Allow one release.
• Unlock the wearer.

When daily verification is on, the wearer sees today's code: 6 characters that change every day and are different for each lock. Write the code on paper, take a photo showing it with the lock, and upload it on the Chastity tab. The keyholder accepts it or asks for another.

Verification photos are re-saved without location data, encrypted, and can only be seen by the wearer and their current keyholder. They're deleted 90 days after they're taken (see below).

Sent it another way? If the wearer sent their verification outside COL&B, like on Telegram or by text, the keyholder can still count the day: open the lock, go to Verification → Mark a day verified, pick any day since the lock started (or tap a day without a star on the calendar), optionally say where it was sent, and press Mark verified. Use this to fix a day that was missed by mistake too, even weeks back. The day gets a gold star on the calendar and the wearer is told. No photo is kept. A day with a photo still waiting for review can't be marked this way; accept the photo instead.

• Only you and your keyholder, while your dynamic is active. Site administrators have no screen that shows them, and they never appear on your profile or badge.
• They're encrypted. Each photo is stored encrypted, with a separate key for each member's lock that's kept outside our database. A copy of the database on its own can't show them.
• They're deleted after 90 days. Each photo is removed automatically 90 days after it's taken. The day still counts as verified, and your lock history notes that the photo was removed.
• See yours: open Your photos on the Chastity tab. Each photo shows the date it will be deleted, with Download and Delete photo. Deleting stops any links to it.
• The first time you send a photo, you're asked to agree to how it's kept. You won't be asked again.

Normally the site holds the keys so it can show the photos to you and your keyholder. For more, turn on end-to-end photos (next question).

An optional extra. Your photos are encrypted on your own device, for you and your keyholder, before they're sent. Only your devices can decrypt them, using a photo passphrase only you know. The site can't see them, and neither could anyone who copied the site.

1. On the Chastity tab, open End-to-end photos, choose a photo passphrase (at least 10 characters, not your account password), type it twice and press Set up end-to-end photos.
2. Your keyholder does the same on their Chastity tab, so the photos can be encrypted for them too.
3. Send verification photos as usual. They're encrypted before they leave your device.

• On a new phone or computer, enter your photo passphrase under Unlock on this device. Forget on this device removes it from a shared device.
• If you forget your passphrase, those photos can't be recovered by anyone, including us. You can start again with a new key. Photos are deleted after 90 days anyway.
• Private links to these photos carry the key in the part of the link after "#". Copy the whole link; without that part it won't open.
• If your keyholder hasn't set it up, you'll be warned that they won't be able to see the photo.

Yes, with a private link. Your daily code won't work for this; it doesn't open anything.

1. On the Chastity tab, open Your photos.
2. Under the photo, open Share privately.
3. Choose when the link stops working: 1 hour, 1 day or 7 days. Leave Works once ticked if they should only see it one time.
4. Press Make private link, then Copy link and send it to them.

• They don't need an account. The link shows an adults-only notice first, and the photo only appears when they press View photo. Chat apps that show link previews (Telegram, iMessage and others) never see the photo, and a preview doesn't use up a one-time link.
• You'll see how many times each link was viewed, and you're told the first time it's opened.
• Press Turn off link to stop it at any time. Links also stop when the photo is deleted after 90 days.
• Only you can make a link, not your keyholder. You can have up to 20 working links.

On the calendar beside Verification (both of you see it):

• A gold star marks a day that counts: a photo your keyholder accepted, or a day they marked verified. Without a keyholder on COL&B, any photo you sent counts.
• An outline star means a photo is waiting for review.
• A day with a dashed box was locked but not verified. Keyholders can tap it to mark it verified.

Under the timer, you earn stars for how long this lock has lasted:

• Week 1: a bronze star. Week 2: emerald. Week 3: ruby.
• A gold star for each month.
• A sapphire star at 6 months (7 months is a sapphire and a gold star).
• A platinum star for each year.
• A diamond for every 3 years.

It also tells you when your next star is due. The stars show on your profile badge too, if you've turned the badge on. They count your whole run: if you start a new lock within a day of the last one ending, the run carries on, so a mistaken unlock or a long cleaning break doesn't reset them. Your longest run and any Locktober medals are kept under Your stars on the Chastity tab, and you can choose whether they show on your profile, even when you're not locked: Hidden (the default), Stars and labels, or Icons only (just the stars and medals, with nothing saying what they're for).

You'll get a notification each time you earn a new star or a Locktober medal (your keyholder is told too). Open Share your milestone under Your stars to post it on the member feed, or share it on WhatsApp, Telegram, text, Facebook, X or email. Outside shares include only the message and a link to colandb.com, never your profile, and nothing is shared unless you press a button.

Locktober is the community's October chastity challenge. There are no official rules, so the site keeps it simple and forgiving:

• To complete it, be locked from October 2 (23:59) to October 31. That's a day's grace at each end. You get a 🏅 Locktober medal for the year.
• During October the Chastity tab shows your progress ("Day 15 of 31").
• Locked but forgot to log it? When you start a lock, open I locked earlier and enter when you locked, up to 48 hours back.
• Ended your lock by mistake? For an hour afterwards, the Chastity tab offers Undo, I'm still locked. Only you can undo it.
• A short break (a new lock within a day) doesn't break your run.
• Forgot a check-in? Your keyholder can mark any day verified. On a self-lock, use Forgot to check in? (it shows as self-reported).

• Hygiene opening: log when you open for cleaning and when you relock. An opening longer than the keyholder's allowance is flagged.
• Release: log it either way. A release the rules didn't allow is flagged.

Everything is recorded in the lock's history for both of you to see.

• With a keyholder: press Ask to be unlocked, and the keyholder unlocks you.
• Self-lock: you can unlock once the planned time is up.
• Any time: Emergency unlock is always available to the wearer.

Past locks are listed with how long they lasted and how they ended. A monthly calendar shows your locked and verified days.

The keyholder loses access straight away, including controls and photos. The lock carries on as a self-lock, the timer is shown to you again, and you're told. The same happens if either of you turns the chastity add-on off, or if either of you blocks the other.

Only if you choose to. You can turn on a "Locked · N days · last verified" badge for your profile. It's off by default.

Once your lock has been verified, the badge also shows when and how, for example "last verified today · photo" or "last verified Oct 13 · elsewhere (Snapchat)". With a keyholder, a photo counts once they accept it. Verification photos, lock details and history are only ever seen by you and your keyholder.

To mute lock notifications, turn off Chastity lock updates under Account.

1. Open the event from Community Events.
2. Under Add to my calendar, choose Going or Interested.
3. Choose who can see it on your profile: All members, Dynamic partners, Only me, or (for titleholders) Public: my titleholder page.

"Going" also counts as your RSVP on events that take RSVPs. See and change everything on the Calendar tab or under My Calendar in the account menu.

Yes. On the Calendar tab, under Add to your phone's calendar, press Get my calendar link, then Subscribe (iPhone, Mac, Outlook) or copy the link into Google Calendar (Other calendars → + → From URL).

For events on your calendar you'll get a reminder the evening before and 2 hours before (for events with a start time). Turn email reminders on, or include Interested events, under Account → App & notifications.

• Submit: use Submit an Event. Events are reviewed before they appear.
• Change, postpone, cancel or withdraw: signed in, use My Events. Submitted without an account? Use Manage My Submission to get an edit link by email.
• Posting it on other sites too? On the event's page, open Copy for Facebook, FetLife or Telegram and press Copy text. The event is written up and ready to paste.
• Get emails about new events: Subscribe to Events.

If they're in Google Calendar, Outlook, Apple Calendar, Eventbrite or a spreadsheet, yes. Export them as a calendar file (.ics) or a spreadsheet (.csv) and contact us. The site team imports them for your organization, and they're yours to manage: under My Events if you have an account, or through Manage My Submission if you don't.

Facebook and FetLife don't offer a way to export events, so those can't be imported.

Press Message on their profile. If you aren't connected yet, your first message is a request. They accept it or reply, and until then you can send up to 3 messages. Your sent requests are under Messages → Sent.

To stop requests from people you're not connected with, turn off Accept message requests in Messages.

A nod is a quiet way to show interest, like a nod across the bar. Press Nod on a profile. If you both nod, you're each told and can message directly. Ignoring a nod tells nobody anything. You can nod at each member once every 24 hours.

Press Follow on a profile. No approval is needed. You'll see their posts under Feed → Following and get notified about events they share with members.

Go to Member Area → Account.

• Name: edit your first, last and display name.
• Email: enter your current password and the new address, then open the link sent to the new address. The change happens when you open it.
• Password: at least 10 characters. Changing it signs you out on your other devices.

Your username can't be changed.

Under Account, set your time zone and turn notification types on or off. Notifications that arrive between 10 p.m. and 8 a.m. in your time zone wait until morning.

• Block from their profile or a conversation. They can't message you or see your profile or posts, any dynamic between you ends, and they aren't told. Unblock under Messages → Blocked.
• Report from their profile or a conversation. Choose a reason and, optionally, block them too. The site team reviews every report.

Tell us on the Report an intimate image page. You don't need an account, and you can report for someone else. We act on valid reports within 48 hours and email you when it's done. Don't send us the image itself; tell us where it is.

If the image may show someone under 18, also report it to the NCMEC CyberTipline (report.cybertip.org). If you're in danger, contact the police.

Yes. Under Account → Your data, choose Email me a copy of my data or Ask to delete my account. You'll confirm by email, then the site team completes it. See our Privacy Policy.

Not automatically. Under Account → Signed-in devices, press Sign out everywhere else.